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| Clank… you speak nerd.
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This is the script for the game Ratchet & Clank.
[Kyzil Plateau, Planet Veldin - 11:13am local time]
The scene opens with Ratchet walking over to a ship outside his garage for a home. He jumps onto a crate, then uses his wrench to start working on the engine inside it. After a few seconds, he stood back in silence, and then pressed a button on a glove on his left hand.
HelpDesk Girl: Final step: Attach robotic ignition system. Thank you for using HelpDesk technology.
At that sight, Ratchet sighed, as he knew that he was getting much closer, but not quite, to his dream of becoming a space explorer.
[Meanwhile, in a factory on a nearby planet]
We see a conveyor belt, producing large robot warriors in great numbers. But all of a sudden, an error message came up on a computer screen. That resulted in Clank being spurted out. He looked at his surroundings, and came across a yellow robot at the other end of the room - an infobot. He looked at it, and it displayed a message for him. Meanwhile, in the shadows, a large sentry bot looked towards him. Once the Infobot reached the end of the message, the robot came to try and swipe it from Clank, but he immediately took hold of it, ran out of the factory and slid down a slide, which lead right into a space shuttle. He took a grip of the controls, and that sent him blasting up high towards the sky. Two other large robots came soon afterwards, and they entered their respective ships and started chasing him.
[Approaching Planet Veldin - 11:47am local time]
The chase continued. Two plasma shots were fired towards Clank, who evaded them. With utter panic, he continued to try and lose the robot warriors, until a shot hit his ship in the back, sending him flying down towards the planet's surface.
Faster and faster Clank went, until he landed with a crash, with the ship destroyed, and himself on the floor, unconscious. The sound caused Ratchet to go over there, and find the rubble for himself. He picked up Clank, and went back to his home.
Later, we see him tweaking his engine again. At that point, Clank started to recover, and once he saw Ratchet, he started making his way towards him. And then, he spoke.
Clank: Interesting. Ratchet: YAIEE!!!
At that point, Ratchet fell from his crate onto the floor. Sooner or later, he stood back up.
Clank: You're quite handy with your wrench. Ratchet: You bet! I built that ship with it. Clank: Hmmm… currently I am in search of someone who could be of assistance of saving the Solar System. Do you know where I'll find that fellow?
He pointed to a poster of Captain Qwark, hanging inside Ratchet's garage.
Ratchet: Well, he's on the radio every week. Other than that, no. Hey, what's with all this save the Solar System stuff anyway?
The Infobot emerged onto the scene, and displayed the answer to Ratchet's question. The scene in there showed a room in a space ship, where we see the game's villain, Drek.
Drek: Hello, citizens of—
A picture of Novalis is shown on the screen, with its name in bright white letters underneath.
Drek: My race, the Blarg, have a small problem. Our planet has become so polluted, overpopulated and poisonous that we are no longer able to dwell here. But I, Chairman Drek, have a solution. We are constructing a pristine new world using the choices of planetary components available. So, what does this mean to you, you might ask? Using highly sophisticated technology, which you couldn't possibly understand, we will be extracting a large portion of your planet and adding it to our new one. Unfortunately, this change in mass will cause your planet to spin out of control and drift into the sun where it will explode into a flaming ball of gas, but, of course, sacrifices must be made. Thank you for your co-operation. Director: CUT! Drek: And if you don't like it, you can take your whiny snivelling snot nosed populations, form a line behind me and you can kiss my—
There was silence for a couple of seconds.
Drek: Are we still on? Well turn it off, you idiot!
The Infobot was finished with the message, and it returned to Clank.
Ratchet: The people on those planets are hosed! Well, good luck getting Captain Qwark to help you. Clank: Actually, you could help me. If you could use your ship to take me to the coordinates contained in this infobot, I might be able to gather further information there. Ratchet: Even if I wanted to, I can't. I'm missing a crucial component of the ship.
There was silence for a few seconds, as Clank looked at the ship and thought. Then, he came up with a solution.
Clank: The Robotic Ignition System! Ratchet: How did you know what? Clank: I sir happen to be equipped with the latest in Robotic Ignition Systems. My programming allows me to start any ship I choose. Ratchet: So I agree to take you to this… wherever it is… and you get this ship started for me? Clank: That is what I'm proposing.
As he finished his sentence, the two enemy ships came down on the planet. Then, all was settled.
[Chairman Drek's Flagship]
From the window view, we see the two in their ship, leaving their planet. Chairman Drek was watching them through that window.
Drek: This could be a problem. Take care of it.
A dark shadow with a round top of the head and an antennae left the scene. Meanwhile, back on Ratchet's ship…
Ratchet: Whoa, this is great!
He looked back at his home planet, which was getting further away from him.
Ratchet: So THAT'S where I've been stuck this whole time! Clank: Please return your appendages to the steering mechanism, sir. Ratchet: Huh? Oh right, heh. sorry. Oh, and by the way, you can stop calling me sir. The name's Ratchet. Clank: Pleased to make your acquaintance, sir. Ratchet: You got a name? Clank: My serial number is B54296-
Just when he tried to finish off, the ship was accidentally tilted to the left slightly.
Ratchet: Oops! I'll just call you Clank for short. Hang on!
They came closer to Novalis, but that is where we'll leave them for now.
[Back on Chairman Drek's flagship]
Drek is in his main room, with a robot lieutenant and Abner Buckwash with him.
Drek: So you will see, it would be most beneficial if your citizens were not in the city when my workers begin removing it. Abner Buckwash: Preposterous! I will not stand for this! Drek: Unfortunately, you have no choice in the matter. Abner Buckwash: Let's just see what Captain Qwark has to say about that, my good man!
This left Drek laughing vilely.
Abner Buckwash: I do not see what's so funny. Captain Qwark could dispatch you without even breaking a sweat! You, you puny… Drek: You have now officially worn out your welcome, and my patience!
The lieutenant picks him out and starts leaving.
Abner Buckwash: This is your last chance! Stop this madness now! Drek: Okay, wait… you are right, I WILL withdraw my troops! Abner Buckwash: Really? Drek: No! He's all yours gentlemen! Try not to leave any marks!
Tobruk Crater, Novalis
[Entering atmosphere of Planet Novalis]
The ship crashes into a wall, causing Ratchet to fall towards the ground, screaming, until he landed on his back with a thud.
A few seconds later, he looked around from his position.
Ratchet: Uhm… Clank… where are you? Clank: (muffled) I'm right here.
The signal caused Ratchet to sit up, showing Clank underneath him.
Ratchet: Oh, sorry about that.
He stood up.
Ratchet: Well, we're not leaving the way we came in. Clank: Perhaps we could prochure a ship from one of the inhabitants. Ratchet: If there are any left.
The two made their way round the surface of the planet, and came across a ship heading down towards the sky. Three robots emerged, and they took them out easily. Later, Abner Buckwash came out, looking panicked.
Abner Buckwash: Do not hurt me! Do not hurt me! Who are you? Mercenaries? Torturers? Assassins? I'll tell you anything! Here, take my infobot, it's all I got left. Clank: Sir, we're not assass— Ratchet: Hold on; let's see what he's got.
The Infobot started playing a message. It started with a scenario with Captain Qwark surrounded by a snagglebeast. He took out his laser and tried to fire at it, but… it didn't work. The beast brought its head forward and attempted to eat him.
Qwark's voice: Has THIS ever happened to you?
The scene switches to outside a repair shop in a bustling city.
Qwark: Hi, I'm Captain Qwark, and believe me, there is nothing worse than starring down a Blargian Snagglebeast - from the inside - and knowing your equipment is not functioning properly! That's why I come to Al's Robo Shack for all my electronic needs. Al has been the exclusive repair shop for my super electro gadgets since I was knee high to a sand mouse! If Al can't fix it, it's not broke, right Al? Al: (shyly) Er… Qwark: You said it pal! So if you are fighting crime, or just fighting grime, heheh, come to Al's Robo Shack in Metropolis for all your robotic repairs. Al's Robo Shack, it's Qwarktastic!
The advertisement was over, and the Infobot went towards Clank.
Clank: Do you know what this means? Ratchet: Yeah, Captain Qwark has really sold out. Clank: No, it means Captain Qwark is on Metropolis! We could tell him about this invasion… Ratchet: If we had a ship… Mayor: Huh? Uh… a ship? You mean… you are not gonna torture me? Well, as planetary chairman I could arrange for you to borrow our courier ship! Ratchet: Cool! Clank: You can count on us, sir. Ratchet: Right, thank you, your chairman shippliness.
The two left that scene, and explored the planet even more. They came across a waterworker, struggling with his job.
Plumber: Dadblast-it! Ratchet: (laughs lightly) Look, Plumber's Crack! Plumber: (turns around) What did you just say? Ratchet: I said "Look, the plumber's back." Plumber: Alright wise guy, shouldn't you be on one of them escape transports? Ratchet: Escape transports? Plumber: Newsflash, giant robots attacking! The escape transports have taken all the rich fokes off this goddarn planet! Ratchet: So why are not you on one? Plumber: Socialeconomic disperity. Ratchet: What? Clank: He hasn't got enough bolts. Plumber: Working people have to wait for Captain Qwark to save us! Ratchet: Well, got anything worth a lot of bolts?
The waterworker pulled out an Infobot and showed it to them both.
Plumber: I got this thing - shows two weirdos ditching their ship. It's got coordinates to a desert planet too. Clank: An infobot! Ratchet, we could use that.
They paid for the infobot, and that caused the waterworker to reach a sewer pipe and slide down it.
Plumber: Geromino! Ratchet: Did he just slide down a sewer pipe?
The Infobot displayed the message to them, showing Skid McMarx, a hoverboarding professional, and his agent, riding in a ship, heading towards a missile storm.
Skid: Mayday, mayday! This is the solarship Radical. We seem to be under attack from the planet's surface! Agent: Relax Skid, it looks like some sort of fireworks display. Probably in your honor. Skid: Whoa, that was close…
Then, something hit the ship.
Skid: Aaaagh! Agent: Pipe down, I can't concentrate! Skid: Ooh, we've been hit! Agent: Er… an unexpected detour. When we land I'll see if I can scare up an exhibition for you. Skid: But I'm not gonna live that long!
Somehow, another missile came right towards them.
Agent: Kid, let's am-scray! Skid: Eject! Eject!
Both Skid and the Agent escaped from the ship. The message finished, and the infobot reached Clank.
Ratchet: Did you see that guy on the left? That was Skid McMarx. Clank: Does he know about Captain Qwark? Ratchet: I doubt it. He's a Pro Hoverboarder, always going off about how cool he is. Clank: Looks like he's in trouble. Ratchet: I'll say! I never saw him look so freaked out…
Sooner or later, the two slid down the pipe themselves and returned to their ship, where they set off for Metropolis in Kerwan.
Once there, they started the search for Al's Robo Shack. Within no time at all, they arrived in the owner's presence.
Clank: Ratchet, that is the man we saw on the infobot. Remember? He knows Captain Qwark! Ratchet: Hey, you are that robot guy, right? Al: No, actually I build robots. I myself am not a robot guy per se, heheheheh… Ratchet: Nerd. Clank: I like him. Al: So, now that we've clared that up, what can I do for you? Clank: Well, we saw your Infobot announcement. You were with Captain Qwark. We're trying to find Captain Qwark. We thought you could help us. Al: Your logic is commendable; however, I haven't seen Captain Qwark since we shot that commercial. Say, do you run on standard XP-18 sisterboards? Clank: Version 7.66. Al: Back at ya! I may be able to help you out after all. How does a helipack upgrade sound? Ratchet: Upgrade? Al: Natch. Since he's a seven-six-six, I could have the little guy up and flying in no time! Of course, I'll just need my fee for service.
It was paid for in no time at all. And as Al spoke his next line, he raised Clank to his level.
Al: Okay, this will not hurt a bit. Clank: Hey wait!
Within a few seconds, drilling would be heard. Then, Clank was seen showing off a set of helicopter blades on the top of his head and the tips of his arms.
Clank: Ratchet, am I cool now? Ratchet: Hey, you are da man, Clank! Al: You're welcome!
The two leave, and progress further into the city. On one aspect, they came across another Infobot near the engine of a train. They boarded it, and soon, it started too move. They carefully made their way to the front, where the infobot flew off to the arrival platform once at the next stop. They jump off, and reach it, where it played a message between Chairman Drek, from his spaceship, and the robot lieutenant, from a logging site.
Lieutenant: (salutes) Greetings, Executive Chairman Drek! Drek: Dispense with the pleasantaries, lieutenant. My sources tell me you're behind schedule. You must prepare this planet to be harvested for our new world! Lieutenant: Yes sir. As you can see, everything is moving along, as planned.
In the background, one robot ended up slashing another in half with its axe.
Drek: I'm counting on you, lieutenant. And as your former commander can tell you, I do not take disappointment well. Lieutenant: Yes sir! I will not fail!
The message was over, and the Infobot went to Clank.
Clank: Drek is destroying yet another planet! Ratchet: Yeah, but if that is the kind of help he's getting, I do not think we have anything to worry about. Clank: You should not underestimate Chairman Drek. He is quite dangerous. We must find Captain Qwark! Ratchet: Look, that lieutenant doesn't seem so tough. Let's take him out ourselves! Clank: Perhaps we can persuade the lieutenant to tell us where Drek is! Ratchet: Haha… now you are talking!
The two made their way down to ground level, and there was a glimmer of Captain Qwark in the distance. They went up to it, and saw a robotic figure of him, attached to the ground with a spring.
Robo Qwark: Welcome to the Captain Qwark fitness course! If you are strong enough, fast enough and clever enough to beat my fitness challenge, you will receive a reward from my head trainer! Simply make your way to the third island to complete the course. Good luck! (starts speaking fast) Qwark enterprises is not responsible for sprains, broken bones, snapped tendons, bruised egos or accidental death incurred while taking the challenge.
This immediately brought Clank into asking questions to the robot…
Clank: Excuse me captain, but we have more pressing issues. We urgently need your assistance. Ratchet: Clank? Clank: Yes? Ratchet: Do you notice anything unusual about Captain Qwark? Clank: Well I find the fact that he has a spring where his legs should be to be quite puzzling. Ratchet: And why do you think that is? Clank: Possibly an injury occurred while battling evil? Ratchet: This is't the real Captain Qwark, you numskull! It's a robot! Clank: Oh.
The two tackled the course at their very best, and they were greeted by the trainer at the end… very cold heartedly.
Helga: Listen up, you lardballs! That was the most pathetic display I have ever seen on that obstacle course! Ratchet: Whadaya mean? Clank: We finished the circuit, ma'am. Helga: Ya, but it was veak, veak, VEAK! Vhen I was competing I would devour courses like that for breakfast! Ratchet: Bet that is not all. Helga: If it were up to me, you would drill, drill, drill for the rest of the day! But somehow you managed to impress that fool Captain Qwark! Clank: Captain Qwark knows about us? Helga: He certainly does. And vorst of all, he wants me to give you a prize for that ridiculous performance! Ratchet: Cool, what is it? Helga: I'm supposed to give you a Svingshot, so you can svay to and fro like little insects! Ratchet: Alright, let's see it. Helga: Not so fast! Today the two of you disgraced my obstacle course, so I am going to make you pay! Clank: But that prize is ours from the captain. That's not fair. Woman: Too bad, life's not fair.
They paid therefor with ease, and within seconds, the Swingshot was in Ratchet's grip.
Ratchet: Sweet! I bet Captain Qwark uses stuff like this all the time. Helga: Ha! Real men can sving without silly toys like that!
She went onto a taxi, and leered at them for one last time.
Helga: The two of you make me sick!
And with a snort, the taxi took her away from the area. This left the pair of them to return to their ship and travel to Aridia.
Outpost X11, Aridia I
No sooner than they arrived, they very quickly came face to face with Skid.
Ratchet: It's him! Skid McMarx! Clank: That man from the infobot. Skid: In the flesh, little dude! You guys get a load of that epic space battle I was in? Ratchet: We saw you screaming for help. Skid: Uh, that was like a war cry. My agent and I got ambushed on the way to hoverboard practice. Clank: Did he survive the crash, sir? Skid: Aah, he's okay. But I've had a little trouble getting back to my ship…
(camera zooms out, showing a group of sand sharks nearby)
Skid: …due to my sprained ankle. Ratchet: Oh come on! Skid: If you can take out all the sandsharks, I just might have a spare hoverboard for you! Clank: We'd love to help you Mr McMarx, but Ratchet and I need to find Captain- Ratchet: Shhh! One of your boards? Hmmm… I've always wanted a decent hoverboard… alright, you just keep that foot elevated.
So Ratchet stormed in the area and took out all the sand sharks. Later, Skid was back at his ship, and once there he opened it up and took out a hoverboard.
Skid: Here man, catch.
He tossed it over to Ratchet's arms, and he immediately beamed at the sight of it.
Ratchet: A brand new Z-3000! You can't even buy these! Skid: Well, I gotta bail. Catch you dudes in the hoverboard races.
Skid leaves the scene. This left the two to explore the factory nearby and they got the Tresspasser on the way.
Sooner or later, they found Skid's agent, with his escape pod in a nervous wreck… and so was he, trying to make contact on his mobile phone, but no luck.
Agent: Aargh, no signal whatsoever! This down time is killing me! Clank: Do you need medical attention, sir? Agent: Do not be so literal, son! The problem is I'm stranded on this backwater planet and my star client is nowhere to be found! Ratchet: Hey, we saw you on that infobot! You're Skid's agent! Agent: WAS Skid's agent. Haven't seen him since our ship crashed, and an agent without a client is like a flea without a dog! Say, you look like an athletic kid. If you can bring back the championship prize from the hoverboard races in Blackwater City, I'll make you my next star! Clank: We have no time for trivial matters, sir. Ratchet: Hmmm… I could be the next Skid McMarx!
Excited as he was, they left the area, and headed to Eudora.
Logging site, Eudora
Meanwhile, back on Drek's ship, the big cheese looked at his planet, which was currently eclipsing the sun.
Drek: Yes, quite lovely. That should just about do it.
He presses a button near him and holds it down as he spoke his next line.
Drek: Commander, we are finished with this world. Commence towing our planet to its next destination.
He released the button, and then pressed it again for the next command. The action then goes back and forth between Drek in his ship, and the robot lieutenant at the logging site.
Drek: Lieutenant! Lieutenant: Yes sir! Drek: You have fulfilled your tree quota… barely. Lieutenant: We are ready to return to base! Drek: Not so fast, lieutenant! Just because we do not need any more trees doesn't mean THEY should have them! Destroy everything! Hehehe!
A while later, our heroes arrived at Eudora. Once there, they found the suck cannon…
…and with careful timing, they found the robot lieutenant. Once there, Clank jumped down and attempted some karate poses. That caused an Infobot to drop from the lieutenant, causing him to run and leave the area. Behind Clank, was Ratchet, in a threatening pose with his wrench, whom soon hid his weapon and smiled at his companion.
Ratchet: You sure showed him! Clank: I suppose I did.
The Infobot showed a commercial. It started off with a scientist with a wrench, trying to tighten a nut in a pipe, but it snaps off and oil is splattered onto his face.
Drek's voice: Is your current occupation leaving a rotten taste in your mouth?
(scene switches to the main room for the station)
Drek: Then you need to know about BTS - Blarg Tactical Research Station. Hi, I'm Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek, and we here at BTS are seeking motivated individuals to fill positions in these exciting careers.
(scene shows a scientist sliding down with grind boots, but he trips up and lands on his groin before falling off)
Drek's voice: Grindboot tester, warhead assembly technician…
(scene shows another scientist trying to feed a chicken to a monster, but the monster ate the scientist instead)
Drek's voice: …mutant animal husbandry, robot repairman…
(scene shows one scientist sucking another inside a suck cannon, causing him to rebound into a bottomless pit below)
Drek's voice: …Suck Cannon test dummy, administrative assistant…
(scene switches back to Drek in the main room)
Drek: So call BTS! Build our weapons while you build your future!
(scene switches to the same scientist at the start of the commercial)
Scientist: I'm calling BTS today!
The commercial ended, and the Infobot went to Clank.
Ratchet: Now we're talkin'! Did you see all the cool gadgets they were making? Let's go get some! Clank: No, we must continue our search for Captain Qwark. Ratchet: You're absolutely right. Clank: I am? Ratchet: Sure, we need to find Qwark. Although when we find him, would not it be nice to tell him where Drek is? Clank: I suppose. Ratchet: Well, we go to the space station and talk to the scientists. They work for Drek, so that they are bound to know where he is. Clank: I am unsure about your logic. Ratchet: Aah, you think too much! Come on, let's go!
So they returned to their ship and made their way to the Blarg Station.
Blarg Tactical Research Station, Nebula G34
Their first exhibition was a long route towards a scientist, trying to avoid monsters eating him. They defeated them, and he gave out a sigh of relief.
Fred: Whew, I thought I was a goner this time. Some nano-wit in genetics must have left the cages open again. Ratchet: You can come down now. Fred: Honestly, a Gadget Engineer deserves a bit more respect if you ask me! Clank: So, you are an inventor? Fred: Gadget Engineer, I create revolutionary devices for Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek. For instance…
He roots into his pocket and takes out a couple of red boots.
Fred: Viola! My soon to be patented GRINDBOOTS.
Ratchet still looked at him curiously.
Fred: Look, I need to get out of here so I can find a new job. How about I sell you these, at cost? Ratchet: Sell? After we just saved your scrawny butt? Fred: Alright, I'll give you the employee discount too.
It was paid for.
Fred: Well, thanks. I'm gonna get outta here while I still can.
The inventor leaves via a small shuttle near the ship. As he leaves, Ratchet looked at the boots, with a proud smile on his face. Then, they leave via a grind rail towards another door. Once down there, he sent Clank outside. He found a large compressing gadget, and he immediately stuffed it inside his robotic storage before cackling with success. He returned and showed it to Ratchet.
Clank: I'm back. Ratchet: So you are. Clank: And, I found this.
He tossed the gadget into his arms, and he looked at it curiously.
Ratchet: Hey, cool! It's a… a… what is it? Clank: A hydrodisplacer. Ratchet: (looking shy) Great, I always wanted one of those… I guess…
They left that area, and found a shuttle. They took it to a distant Blarg ship, and ended up exploring it and accidentally pressing the self-destruct switch. They got out, grabbing an Infobot with them. Once they left, they looked at the robot and it displayed a news report on its screen. In the background, we see a soldier taking on an amoeba-like monster.
Darla: This is Darla Gratch reporting live from Blackwater City. We've just learnt that Captain Qwark will be presenting the grand prize at the Intergalactic Hoverboard Championship, which will be held here over the next few days.
In the background, the monster ate up the soldier, and slowly approached Darla.
Darla: In related news, this planet has recently been suffering from an infestation of strange amoeboid creatures. The city's administration has assured this reporter that every step has been taken to eradicate these nuisances. Darla Gratch, Channel 2 news.
As the monster was about to eat her, the screen was turned off. Then, the infobot went towards Clank.
[NOTE: This next part cannot be viewed if you haven't seen Skid or his agent back at Aridia.]
Ratchet: Did you see that? Clank: Yes. I hope the poor woman is alright. Ratchet: Aah, she's fine… I think. I was talking about the hoverboard races.
The two leave for Rilgar.
Blackwater City, Rilgar
Once there, they headed for the track, and on their way they came across a salesman.
RYNO Salesman: RYNO for your robot - trade ya. Ratchet: Well… okay! Clank: Ratchet! Ratchet: I'm kidding! Sorry, he's not for sale. And what's a RYNO anyway? RYNO Salesman: Rip Ya A New One. Ratchet: What did you just say to me? RYNO Salesman: R-Y-N-O - Rip Ya A New One. Clank: Why, that is the most powerful missile launcher in the galaxy! I know it's worth a lot of bolts! He must have stolen it from the Blarg! RYNO Salesman: Stolen? Look Trash Can, did I says anything about it being hot? You'd better watch your mouth or I'll- Ratchet: Wait, do not tell me - Rip Ya A New One.
Sooner or later, they paid therefor (strange, ever since it costs 150'000 bolts!). The weapon was tossed into his arms and Ratchet immediately tried to carry it, but…
Ratchet: Urgh, this thing is heavy! RYNO Salesman: Yeah, try carrying it around in yer trenchcoat for 2 months. Clank: Thank you, sir. We'll be sure to tell everyone about your services. RYNO Salesman: *picks up Clank by the neck*Listen, little twerp! If you tell anyone what you saw or what we's talked about-- Ratchet: Do I even have to say it?
Ratchet aimed the gun at the salesman, whom stepped back with both arms in the air.
RYNO Salesman: Youse two have a nice day!
After that, the two continued their way to the Raceway Plaza, where they were greated by a trophy girl.
Starlene: Welcome to the Hovercon Intergalactic Hoverboarding Competition! Captain Qwark's giving away a brand new Platinum Zoomerator to the winner of this competition!
[NOTE: If you haven't seen Skid's agent, then you will not get this next part of the dialogue.]
Clank: A Platinum Zoomerator! Perhaps that will be proof of your accomplishment that Skid's agent requires. Starlene: Wait, do you guys mean Skid McMarx? Ratchet: Yeah, Skid couldn't make it, so we're here to, you know, fill in for him. Starlene: Guess we'll see about that.
The two entered the race, and with great skill, they were first past the finish line. They were greeted by the face of Captain Qwark on a monitor, and the trophy girl with the zoomerator in her hands.
Qwark: Hi folks, Captain Qwark here. It is my distinct pleasure to introduce this year's Hovercon Intergalactic Champions! Let's give it up for newcomers-
A monochrome image of the two heroes was brought on screen.
Robot voice: Ratchet and Clank! Ratchet: (points at the monitor) Hey look, that is us! Qwark: Today's winners will take home a brand new Professional Grade Model T- 15 Platinum Zoomerator! Manufactured by Gadgetron, this hoverboard drive delivers more lift, speed and manoeuverability than any other anti-grav device on the market!
As he spoke, the trophy girl glamorously slipped the zoomerator into Ratchet's hands. Then, the audience started cheering.
Qwark: Well folks, that is all the time we have. Tonight, remember to set your infobots to the Qwark Classic Channel for tonight's episode of "Dogfight Over Death Canyon", starring yours truly. Thank you and have a Qwarktastic day!
The two left, and made a long route round to Qwark's trailer, where they were stopped by a bouncer.
Bouncer: Hey hey hey! Press conference is over! Captain Qwark do not want no more reporters bugging him in his trailer! Ratchet: Oh… you see, my friend and I need to speak to the Captain about a matter of galactic security. Bouncer: You mean you and your walking camera? You paparazzi make me sick! Now beat it! Clank: But sir, I'm sure that Captain Qwark will understand once we- Bouncer: No, no, save it. I know how it works. You convince me to let you in. You snap a picture of the captain in his underpants. Ratchet: …underpants? Bouncer: Then, you sell the picture to the Info-Tabloids for a million bolts! Ratchet: You got it all wrong! Bouncer: Meanwhile, I'm stuck here making six bolts an hour and I have to listen to a lecture from that cheapskate Qwark! So you do not get in unless I get a kickback, in advance!
They paid him, and the bouncer made way.
Bouncer: You see how it works - you grease the hinges, the door opens.
The two head inside the trailer, where they come face to face with the captain, lying down on some sort of sunbed.
Clank: Captain… Qwark?
Qwark sat up with a start.
Qwark: Whazzat? Ratchet: It's Ratchet and Clank, Captain! You know, from the- Qwark: Oh yes, yes, I know who you are. Ratchet: You do?
Qwark brought himself to his feet, and walked his way over to them.
Qwark: Yes, and thank the Galaxy you found me. Ratchet: Huh? Qwark: There is an awful plot being hatched to destroy our planets! Clank: Ratchet, he knows! Ratchet: Great. Does that mean we can go hoverboarding now? Qwark: My friends, we're all in grave danger, and together we can put a stop to this madness. Ratchet: Together? You mean, you want OUR help? Qwark: Look Ratchet, I've been keeping an eye on you, and I've never seen anyone with such raw talent. You are a true hero in the making. Ratchet: Really? You mean, I could be famous? Qwark: Oh, absolutely. Oh, here, take this.
He brought out an infobot, which played an infomercial. Throughout the whole thing, slides are shown, mostly of Captain Qwark in poses that match with the script, and an orchestral version of "Land of Hope and Glory" was played in the background.
Qwark's voice: What makes one man toil in obscurity while another becomes a hero? Is it strength, compassion, determination, or just pure blind luck? Wise men through the ages have struggled with that very question, but Captain Qwark knows the secret! That's why he's been able to defeat more desparates, rescue more damsels in distress and save more civilisations than any other hero in the Galaxy! Now is your opportunity to see if you got the stuff heroes are made of! This Infobot contains coordinates to Qwark's secret base. Can you quickly conquer Qwark's killer candidate of qwonfounded complextions? Can you quickly qwon - can, can you Qwarkly quick - eurgh! Just make your way through the defenses to the center of the base! Prove yourself, learn the secret, and earn your place in Galactic History! (starts speaking fast) Consult your doctor before attempting any straineous exercise. Not responsible for death or dismemberment. Your results may vary.
The infomercial finished, and the Infobot moved over to Clank's side. We now see Qwark with a microphone in his hand, speaking through it proudly.
Qwark: Meet me at… uh… (puts the microphone away) Meet me at my headquarters. Ratchet: Hey, "Captain Ratchet" - what do you think? Clank: We will not fail you sir, we promise!
The two head back to their ship, and before they did anything else, they returned to Aridia.
Outpost X11, Aridia II
Over there, they gave their hoverboarding prize to Skid's agent.
Agent: Fantastic! You got it! Great work kid! Ratchet: So, are you gonna represent me? Agent: You bet kid! And as a signing bonus, I got… this!
He rooted into his shuttle, and pulled out a helmet with large antennaes at the top, and green goggles attached.
Ratchet: Cool helmet! Clank: That is a Sonic Summoner. It is used to attract sand mice. Agent: Right, and it's all yours! Well, I'm off to finalise the paperwork! I'll have my people call your people!
The agent walked off, and this left a curious expression on Clank's face.
Clank: Do YOU have people?
The two left, and setted off for Umbris, where Qwark's HQ is situated.
Qwark's Headquarters, Umbris
They met up with Captain Qwark again, only this time he was riding a helicopter with one hand and holding a megaphone in another, speaking their instructions through there.
Qwark: Welcome to my challenge course. Now is your chance to prove yourself strong and brave! (brings the megaphone away from him) Like me, heheh. (brings it back towards him) Conquer it and you will join in my fight against evil! Ratchet: HAVEN'T WE DONE ENOUGH ALREADY? Qwark: What? I can't hear you! Ratchet: I said… haven't… we'… done… Qwark: Sorry, still having trouble! Tell me later! Ratchet: Later‽ We might be dead by then! Qwark: What?
As Qwark said his final line, the helicopter flew him back to his base.
Ratchet: Alright Clank, let's get going.
The two tackled the obstacle course, and eventually they met up with Qwark again, in the center of the base.
Qwark: Well, well. You two continue to surprise me.
He jumped onto a hovering platform, as the two came closer. Clank made his way in the center of the platform at the end, while Ratchet stopped just outside it.
Qwark: Step into the Ring of Heroes and I will truly give what you deserve. Clank: Ratchet, this is no time for you to become cautious! We have reached our goal! Ratchet: I do not know. There is something fishy going on around here. Qwark: Listen to your little metal friend, Ratchet. Your destiny is just mere steps away. Ratchet: It's just something doesn't seem right.
At that point, Clank rushed to Ratchet, and dragged him to the center of the platform.
Clank: This is it! Qwark is going to help us stop Chairman Drek!
Qwark looked down at the two, with a suspicious look on his face.
Qwark: Why thank you Clank. You have been… most helpful.
At his last two words, he brought out a remote, pressed a button, and that sent the two falling to a pit down below. Ratchet was first to land, with a thud on his back.
However, Clank landed gently with his heli-pack, with his feet landing on Ratchet's stomach. That caused him to push him away.
Ratchet: Get off me, you idiot!
Up ahead, Captain Qwark came down on his platform, laughing… vilely!
Qwark: I love it when a plan comes together! Clank: What do you mean? Ratchet: What do you think he means, genius? He's not gonna help us, he's gonna kill us! Qwark: You catch on quick. Although there is one problem with your hypothesis- I'm not going to kill you. Ratchet: You're not? Qwark: No. He is!
In another corner, was a snagglebeast chained to two stone pillars, trying to break free.
Clank: But… why? Qwark: (imitates Clank's gestures sarcastically) But why? (stops imitating) It's really not that difficult to decipher! I'm the official spokesman for Drek's new planet. I do not want you two getting in the way of my comeback! Ratchet: This is not over, Qwark! Qwark: No… but it will be soon.
The snagglebeast broke out, and started attacking them both. But after a long battle, he was defeated and sent to the lava pits below. A door opened, showing an Infobot and a red luxury ship with the Qwark symbol on it.
Clank: I wonder what that Infobot is for…? Ratchet: Maybe it could replace you.
The Infobot displayed a message, an SOS message from a commando.
Commando: We're pinned down! We're pinned down! The ships are hammering our position from the aisle!
A missile stormed near him.
Commando: That was a little TOO close! We need support, NOW!
There was silence.
Commando: Actually, I need support. My entire battalion went AWOL and required me to fight this war on my own! If the enemy doesn't kill those guys, I will! I'm not gonna last much longer! Requesting immediate assistance! Over and out!
The Infobot finished its message, and went to Clank.
Clank: Those are Drek's ships destroying that planet! We must help that commando! Ratchet: Are you serious? That's it! I am outta here! Captain Qwark is gonna be sorry he messed with me! Clank: This is not about Captain Qwark any more. There are innocent lives being lost. Ratchet: Yeah, well I'm done with this stupid hero stuff! I got my own agenda now! Clank: Ratchet, this is not like you. Ratchet: What do you know about me? You spent this whole time looking for Qwark. You do not know anything about me! Clank: I know that you will do the right thing. Ratchet: Well right now the only thing I wanna do is find Qwark!
Ratchet jumped in the ship, but he couldn't start it.
Ratchet: How do you start this stupid thing? Clank: Have you forgotten? You need a Robotic Ignition System.
As he spoke his line, Clank flew his way up with his heli-pack blades.
Clank: I will start the ship as long as you help that commando. Ratchet: So… blackmail, is it? Fine. Just shut up and start the ship.
Meanwhile, at Chairman Drek's flagship, Drek himself was seen facing the window, with Captain Qwark standing behind him.
Drek: Back so soon? Qwark: (after a couple of seconds) Oh… you are talking to me… Drek: I'm not on the habit of talking to myself, you buffoon. Did you get rid of them? Qwark: Yes! …no… well I… I had this plan and I thought- Drek: You thought! You thought! I do the thinking around here, you slug brained idiot! I simply needed you to eliminate those two nuisances before they can cause any real trouble! Qwark: But I wanted to- Drek: Do you still want to be the highly paid spokesman for my planet? Qwark: Yeah… Drek: Then the next time I send you to do a job, I want RESULTS!!! Now get out of my sight!
Fort Krontos, Batalia I
Back with our heroes, they arrived at Batalia, where they came face to face with the commando upon arrival.
Commando: At attention, you deserting maggots!
Without thinking, the two saluted at him.
Commando: The next time you soldiers try to go AWOL I'll shoot you myself! Ratchet: Look, I just wanna- Commando: Zip it worm! You see those bombers? If you do not get to the turrets and knock those ships out of the sky, this whole town's gonna be rubble! Meet me at the city entrance!
The commando marched off.
Clank: He needs our help! Ratchet: Yeah, well why do not you go on and help him… into another trap. Well, go on, go fight some evil. Clank: At least I'm not a coward! Ratchet: Whatever. As soon as I find Qwark I'm selling you for scrap.
They made their way to the city entrance, where they saw the commando looking towards a bolt across a broken bridge.
Commando: Blasted thing, it will not budge! I've tried everything I know short of nuclear weaponry… hmmm… no, never mind. Ratchet: Well, you tried. See ya.
Ratchet tried to leave, but…
Commando: Not so fast soldier! You're going into that compound even if I have to throw you!
He looked around, and saw a magna-strip leading to another side of the city.
Commando: Aha! That ventilation shaft leads to the turret platform! Soldier, find a way to use that shaft to infiltrate the compound undetected! Clank: Hmmm… Commando: You have shown bravery by making it this far, and for that, I reward you.
He brought out an Infobot and placed it near them.
Commando: I intercepted this communique that you might find useful. Take it. I'm off to find my battalion. Good luck.
The Infobot displayed a message - another message from Drek.
Drek: Hello once again fellow Blarg, I hope this message finds you well! As many of you know, our home planet is no longer habitable. We've abandoned our factories, our laboratories and our happy lives because of the encroaching pollution, leaving much behind. Fortunately, the nearby planets will supply us with all we need to create our new home, which is nearing completion! Once our scientists locate the ideal orbit, our new world will be perfect! So reserve your space now, prime locations are filling up fast. Good day!
The Infobot finished its message and went to Clank.
Clank: Now do you understand why we must stop him? He will not rest until he's destroyed every planet in the galaxy! Ratchet: Yeah, well I got bigger fish to fry. Clank: Bigger than the galaxy? Ratchet: Well, different fish anyway. Look, didn't that commando guy said we can get into that compound? Clank: Yes. By using the ventilation shaft. But we need something special to walk on that. Ratchet: Fine, let's get going then. We'll come back later.
The two reach their ship, but their attention was caught on a grind rail. They started going down there, and at the end thereof all they reached an army deserter.
Deserter: Halt! Who are you? What are you doing?
Clank brought his hands up as he spoke his next line.
Clank: We are on a mission to save the galaxy! Ratchet: Speak for yourself, and put your hands down, you look ridiculous. Deserter: Actually, I do not care who you are. I've gotta get the heck outta here. I joined the army to get money to go to college. I never knew I'd end up in a war! Go figure. Clank: This is a noble cause, sir. Deserter: Noble my hiney. I just want to get home to my family.
From behind his back, he brought out an infobot.
Deserter: Here, I pulled this off a busted robot. Give me some bolts for bus fare and it's yours.
They paid for it.
Deserter: Thanks a bunch. Good luck saving the galaxy or whatever.
He dived into the water, while the Infobot displayed a message to Drek.
Blarg scientist: Greetings, Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek. As you can see we're about to test our newest automated Pilot's Helmet. This helmet allows pilots to control our latest hi-tech fighters using only their thoughts. Please enjoy the demonstration.
As he spoke, a tester went inside the jet fighter. Then, when he finshed speaking, the ship started getting ready for blast off… until it suddenly took off backwards, and crashed to a wall.
Blarg scientist: Ooh, we still have a… a few minor adjustments to make…
As he spoke again, the helmet landed on the floor. The Infobot finished its message and went to Clank.
Ratchet: Whoa! If they ever get the kinks worked out of that thing, I have GOT to get me one of those! Clank: If they are working for Chairman Drek, they may know where he is. Ratchet: Is that all you can think about, Drek this and Drek that? I got my own problems! Clank: If you cannot see the importance of this situation, you do have problems. Ratchet: Yeah, well if you are so smart, how come you fell for Qwark's stupid trick?
All that Clank did was look up at Ratchet in silence.
Ratchet: Ah, forget it. We both need to get to this planet and that is all that matters.
The two returned to their ship and left the planet towards Orxon.
Kogor Refinery, Orxon I
They landed, and the door opened - the air was impossible to breathe in. Clank jumped out, but Ratchet was left holding his breath. The panel closed, and he released his hold, leaving Clank to go around exploring himself. Once there, he came across a set of magnaboots. As he came closer to him, they were thrusted onto his chest.
He pulled them off, and continued his exploration. Later, he came across an infobot. He saw the message for himself.
Clank: Hmmm… better not let Ratchet see this one.
The Infobot went to Clank, and he went back to the ship, where he displayed his findings to his partner. First came the magnaboots, which he tossed into Ratchet's hands… but he was brought over and got stuck to them.
Ratchet: Hey, are you giving me these or not? Clank: They are magnetic. I appear to be stuck to them. Ratchet: Oh.
Clank released his grip, and crashed into the side of the ship, with his eyes focusing on his robotic body.
Ratchet: What do you have in there? Clank: Gears. Metal filings. Dust. Ratchet: You know what I mean. What is it? Clank: I will show you this but you must promise to stay focused on our mission. Ratchet: Is it something about Qwark?
The Infobot came out and displayed its message again, and it was a commercial.
Resort Owner: Cities are full of smog, swamps are full of muck and dark pits are full of dark, but here at Jowai Resort the sun shines twenty-four hours a day! Visitors get a free O2 mask to explore our warm waters! The benign marine life will welcome you to the big blue world under the sea! You can also use our complimentary flippers to partake in speed swimming! So come to Jowai Resort, and leave your world and your troubles behind!
The Infobot finished displaying the message, and it returned to Clank. At this time, Ratchet started beaming.
Ratchet: Jowai Resort, Pokitaru! Clank: I knew it. Ratchet: Oh come on! Switch off your nerd circuits and have some fun! Look, we'll go just long enough to pick up the O2 mask. Clank: Perhaps the extra oxygen will help your brain to function properly! Ratchet: Yeah, and maybe the salt water will rust your mouth shut! Clank: Hmph!
Before anything else, they made their way back to Batalia.
Fort Krontos, Batalia II
They used the magnaboots to reach the turret platform, and where they faced a real surprise.
Plumber: Hey, I know you two. Ratchet: Look, the plumber's back! Plumber: Very funny. Clank: What are you doing here, sir? Plumber: Maintenance, what else? I help fix this planet's useless air defences. Ratchet: Well you'd better hurry up. Plumber: The turret works fine, you little yahoo! It's the locals. They haven't got the skilled manpower to use it! Ratchet: I'm a pretty good shot! Plumber: You? No, I'm gonna lose my job… Ratchet: Oh c'mon! What's the sense of keeping up a turret if no one's gonna use it? Besides, the Blarg chased you off the last planet. Why do not we pay 'em back? Plumber: Well, alright, go on if you want. Just do not break anything.
And so that he jumped in the turret, and took on all the bombers.
Plumber: Well, well, well. Looks like he's good for something after all. Here, take this.
Something was tossed into Ratchet's hand - a long pipe with a silver dish at the bottom.
Ratchet: What is it? Plumber: It detects underground bolts. My grandfather designed it to suck up loose change on any planet in the galaxy. What a cheap old man he was… Well, see ya around sometime.
With the new gadget in hand, they returned to their ship and headed for Gaspar.
Blarg Depot, Gaspar
After a long and winding search, they came across the Pilot's Helmet.
Ratchet: Now THIS is cool!
Then, they left for Pokitaru.
Jowai Resort, Pokitaru I
That was where they faced the resort owner, who was looking panicked.
Resort Owner: Hey, you two are the first friendly faces I've seen in weeks! …you ARE friendly, are not you? Ratchet: To you, yes. (leers at Clank) To him, no. Resort Owner: Well friend, have I got a deal for you. Since the Blarg began dumping their toxic sludge into our ocean, the wildlife has- Clank: Become ravenous mutants? Resort Owner: Yeah, you could say that. All my customers either left or became lunch, so I'm closing the place down. However, I just so happen to have one - count 'em one - O2 mask left. Ratchet: How much? Resort Owner: It's not for sale. Clank: But you said- Resort Owner: I said I had a deal! And indeed I do. You boys get rid of those blarg ships and it's yours. Just escort me to the other end of the island and you can use our jet fighter. Ratchet: Jet fighter eh? Alright, but you better not try to stiff us!
The two escorted him to the other end of the island, where they came across a garage with a large lock on it.
Ratchet: We're here, now where's that fighter? Resort Owner: Right there in that locked garage. One tourist crashes a jet and wham! Hehe… lawsuit! Clank: That lock is unlike any I have seen! Resort Owner: Very astute observation, Mr. Shiny. I can't open it either. I don't trust the tourists, and the board of directors do not trust me. So we have a little problem. Ratchet: WE have a little problem? I just want the O2 mask. So if you can't open up the lock, that is YOUR problem! Now cough up the mask! Resort Owner: I can see that you really want to fly our jet, so I'll tell you what. Go talk to Bob in his roboshack. He knows about these locks.
So the two went to the roboshack to their left, and came across a large headed cat-like figure. That was the figure of Bob, the owner of the roboshack.
Bob: Well, well… whadda we got here?
As he spoke, he picked up Clank to his level.
Clank: Hey, watch it! Bob: I recognise that work. You have been to see Al, ain'tcha? Ratchet: Yeah, he installed the heli-pack. Bob: I kin see that. I taught that idjit brother of mine everything he knows. Look, if you want some real hardware, I kin fix this lil' feller up with a thruster pack! Clank: Ooh! Ratchet: Will that help us get past that weird lock by the fighter garage? Bob: Ah, you know about those gizmos, huh? That sure as heck will. It's got a real special power slam move built right in! Ratchet: It's a good thing I need it to get to that jet or you will be outta luck, pal!
Clank jumped off the desk, and they paid for it. As soon as that was done, Bob was about to bring Clank back up to his level, but…
Clank: I've got it.
He flew up to him with the heli-pack blades.
Bob: I'll have yeh fixed up faster'n a horny toad a hoppin'!
There was drilling for two seconds, as the upgrade was soon installed onto him.
Bob: There ya are lil' buddy! Better an' new! Clank: That's right, I am da man!
However, all that Ratchet could do was stretch and yawn.
Ratchet: Yeah… not bad.
They left the roboshack and accessed the fighter garage, where they took out the jet fighter and shot down the blarg ships. At the end, the Resort Owner got out the O2 mask.
Resort Owner: Well I guess that should do it. Here you go.
He tosses it over to Ratchet's hands, whom had an expression filled with relief, with a slight bit of anger inside him.
Ratchet: It's about time.
They headed back to their ship, but once there they stumbled across a teleport switch that took them to the sewers underground. Eventually, they found a young scrap merchant with a strange device in his hands.
Ratchet: Hey, what are you doing here? Sam: I'm searching for a very elusive and secret substance. Clank: Raritanium? Sam: Uhhh, maybe? Clank: The oceans on this planet are said to be an excellent source of that element. Sam: Well, not anymore. All that toxic dumping has obscured any trace of it.
He brought out his strange device, which was shown as a pendant with a swirl in it, and it glowed from light green to cyan repeatedly.
Sam: (in a cheesy hypnotist voice) You will find Raritanium for me! Ratchet: (sarcastically) No I will not!
That caused the merchant to look at his pendant angrily.
Sam: Piece of junk! (shows the pendant again) My latest invention - the Persuader! I intended to use it to control people's minds, but the only thing it's gotten me so far is a discount from Gadgetron vendors. Ratchet: Hey, I could use that! Sam: Well, I'll trade it for some Raritanium! Clank: I believe that planet Hoven is an excellent source of that element.
The two leave to explore Orxon with the O2 mask.
Kogor Refinery, Orxon II
Once landed, they stepped out together for their exhibition, and sooner or later, they came across a vending machine. Some bolts were slipped in, and out came a can of Premium Nanotech. Ratchet drunk it, and then sighed. Then he used his fists to squash it flat. He paid again, for a can of Ultra Nanotech. Again, he drank it, but he gave out a long burp at the end. Then, he brought the can onto his head and squashed it. Later, they found an infobot. After following it around the refinery, it finally showed its message to them - another plan from Drek. We see him on the surface of a snow filled planet.
Drek: Hello again everyone, Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek here to fill you in on our progress. We have now found the perfect orbit for our planet, one which will allow for the optimum temperature, all year round! However, there is a planet now occupying that orbit, and sadly for its few insignificant inhabitants, it must be destroyed. That's why we've created this - the Planet Buster Maximus, a device capable of blowing an entire planet to sub-atomic particles! We're quite proud of it! Here's how it works. We attach the Planet Buster to this ship, fly it into orbit around the planet, and let it go! Kaboom! Heheh, quite ingenious really. Once our trained professionals put the finishing touches on our new planet, everything will be complete! Thank you! Goodbye!
The Infobot finished its message and went to Clank.
Ratchet: Now this guy's gonna blow up an entire planet? That's just mean! Clank: That's what I've been telling you. Ratchet: Look, I'm still gunning for Qwark, but if we end up taking out Drek too, heh, fine!
There was silence. Clank looked up towards him.
Ratchet: What? Clank: You DO care. Ratchet: Do not push it pal.
The two leave for Hoven.
Bomb Factory, Hoven
As they step out, they saw the ship carrying the Planet Buster, close to a factory.
Clank: That must be the ship that will transport the bomb. Ratchet: Ya think? Great work detective.
The two made their way across the snowy region towards the factory. But…
Clank: We are too late! The ship is leaving! Ratchet: Hang on, there is an unused turret over there! Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Clank: I seriously doubt it.
The two reach the turret, and used it to destroy the ship and send the bomb towards the freezing waters, where it landed without any harm done to anything. Then, behind the turret, an Infobot came and showed another message.
Drek: Men, you are about to embark on a very dangerous mission. We will be launching a heavily armed surprise attack from our new moon base against the completely unarmed planet. Actually, that doesn't sound too dangerous…
- abrupt cough*Nevertheless… your orders are simple - destroy anything that
moves. Steal the power generators from Gorda City. Then, destroy anything, that… doesn't move! Oh, and do not forget - have fun!
The Infobot finished its message, and went to Clank.
Clank: We must get to the moon base and stop Drek. Ratchet: No, we have to get to the moon base to find Qwark. If Drek is there, Qwark is probably with him! Clank: But Drek is going to destroy that city! We must get to the base! Ratchet: That's what I said! Clank: No, that is what I said! Ratchet: Fine! Clank: Fine! Ratchet: …fine!
They left the area. However, looking at the planet even more, they saw a builder with a large drill in his hand.
Builder: Awww, heck! Clank: Is there a problem, sir? Builder: Y'all would not have any spare parts, would you? Ratchet: (gestures at Clank) Help yourself.
Clank looked up at Ratchet furiously.
Builder: These dang rocks keep breaking my drill! Clank: That 'rock' is Raritanium! Ratchet: Let me take a look at that drill.
He brought his ear up close to it, shook it, and then he slammed it with his fist. The drill started turning again.
Builder: Well shoot my dog and call me Sally! Thanks partner! Ratchet No problem. I suppose I could take that rock off your hands too. Builder: Heck, here you go!
The rock went into his hands, and he looked down at it with a smile. They left that area, and then, they reached another roboshack. There was a figure standing there with a visor over its face.
Ratchet: Hey buddy, what's shakin'?
The figure lifted the visor over its head, or should we say, HER head! The two have came across a roboshack owner called Edwina.
Edwina: Oh my goodness!
She picks up Clank, and starts gesturing at him nicely.
Edwina: Aren't you… (kisses him) …just a little angel? Clank: Hehehe… actually, I'm a little robot. Edwina: Heh heh, you are funny too! Ratchet: Yeah, well looks are not everything. Edwina: YOU be NICE! (turns back to Clank) I think I got something special for you! How would you like a Hydropack upgrade! Clank: That would be quite helpful for swimming underwater. Ratchet: Whatever.
The upgrade was paid for, and Clank was seen with water 'wings' in no time.
Edwina: There ya go sweetie! You look so handsome! Clank: Thank you miss. Your craftpersonship is excellent. Ratchet: If you two are through… Clank: Jealous? Edwina: You can come back and see me any old time!
She winked as the two left for their ship and travelled back to Pokitaru.
Jowai Resort, Pokitaru II
They returned to the sewers, where they met back up with the scrap merchant.
Sam: Perfect! This is precisely what I need! (brings out the Persuader again and speaks in his hypnotist voice) You will bring me more Raritanium! Ratchet: You CAN'T be serious! Sam: Ah well, I tried.
He tossed the Persuader into Ratchet's hand, and he attached it to his chest. They returned to their ship and made their way to the Gemlik Base.
Gemlik Moonbase, Oltanis orbit
[Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek's flagship - Oltanis Orbit]
Aboard the fleet, Drek and Qwark were seen walking side by side towards a small shuttle in the middle of the room.
Drek: It is time to begin your new assignment. Qwark: Ah, a photo op by your shiny new shuttle! Terrific idea! Drek: (sigh) You really are an idiot… Qwark: What? Drek: YOU are to take that shuttle to the moon base and ambush those two miscreants when they arrive! Qwark: Oh yes! Heh, er, who are they again?
With a growl, he pointed towards a wanted poster with Ratchet and Clank on there.
Drek: THOSE TWO! Qwark: Oh, of course! There is just one problem, I'm- Drek: Too washed up for ground combat? True. That is why I will be loaning you my star fighter! You can still fly, can't you?
Qwark couldn't help but nod at this point.
Drek: It's settled then. You will acquire the star fighter once you get to the moon. Screw this up and the endorsement deal is OFF! Qwark: (large gasp) But that would ruin me! (angrily) You wouldn't! Drek: Hehheh, try me.
Qwark went towards the ship - which once inside he looked awfully cramped - and left the area.
Meanwhile, at the entrance to the base, the heroes arrived and looked around.
Clank: I did not see Drek's ship. We must have missed him. Ratchet: Aargh! Who knows where Qwark is now? If we're gonna catch those two, we'll need a faster ship! Clank: Perhaps this space station will supply the ship we need. Ratchet: Well, we're here. Let's go check it out.
The two explored the ship as deep as they can. But sooner or later, they reached Captain Qwark, leering at them.
Qwark: Hello, "Captain Ratchet"! Ratchet: Aaaargh!
He lunged himself towards Qwark, but he jumps away from him and disappeared. Then, we see him on a wing of his assigned star fighter, looking down at the two, laughing vilely.
Qwark: Come and get me, hero!
The ship leaves the scene. However, Clank looked in the direction of a garage, where a jet fighter is seen parked.
Clank: Perhaps we could obtain a ship in there! Ratchet: Great idea! Let's go!
They took the ship to the skies, and after plenty of time, they sent Qwark plummeting down towards another planet, screaming SOS cries as loud as he could. This left a happy face for Ratchet.
Ratchet: Yes! Qwark is history! Clank: Despite my earlier criticism, I must admit, your piloting skills are improving! Ratchet: I knew you'd come around! Clank: But that has not helped us locate Drek! Ratchet: C'mon Clank, can't you just once relax and enjoy a little… success?
He looked in front of him now, and that was where he came across a large dark purple jet ship.
Ratchet: Hey, you wanna catch Drek? Betcha this baby can do it!
The Infobot came out of the cockpit, and displayed another news report. In the background we see a blue skinned man running around the area, screaming his head off.
Darla: This is Darla Gratch reporting live from Gorda City. This once peaceful planet is being torn apart today in an unprovoked attack. It now seems certain that Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek will not be dissuaded in his efforts to destroy the galaxy for his own selfish needs. All hope certainly seems lost. Darla Gratch, Channel 2 news.
The Infobot finished its message, and went to Clank. Meanwhile, Ratchet looked down with disappointment.
Ratchet: Umm… Clank: Yes, I know, it is worse than I expected too. Ratchet: Look, maybe you were right. This is a lot bigger than you or me. I was really selfish focusing on Qwark. Clank: It is not too late to stop Drek. Ratchet: (starts to lighten up) Hey, yeah! We got this new ship! Let's go get him! Clank: Now you are talking!
The two board the ship, and make their way to Oltanis.
Gorda City Ruins, Oltanis
On arrival, they faced an electric storm, and Clank was immediately struck by lightning and sent to the ground. Ratchet faced him with panic, and furiously tried to shake him conscious.
Ratchet: Clank‽ Clank! C'mon! Wake up!
Clank soon came to, but came to the wrong starting conclusion.
Clank: Captain… Qwark? Ratchet: Ha… no goofball, it's me, Ratchet. Clank: What… happened? Ratchet: You got toasted by lightning! This place is having one heck of a storm. You will not be safe up there. I'll be right back.
This left Clank in his ship as Ratchet started exploring the area. On his travels, he found the Morph-o-ray…
…and much later on, he saw a familiar figure near a desk in the middle of the ruins of the city.
Ratchet: Captain Qwark! Qwark: Where?
He starts looking around, stupidly.
Ratchet: Come on Qwark, I know it's you! Qwark: Uh… the name's Steve. Pleased to meet you. Ratchet: Look "Steve", I need to know where Drek is before it's too late! Qwark: Did you say "too late"?
He got out a board, and started reading from it, with the lack of acting skill in his speech.
Qwark: Son, it is never too late to acquire the latest in the long line of quality products from Gadgetron. I have for you, today only, the Gadgetron PDA. Ratchet: Public Display of Affection? Qwark: (slightly angrily) No, no, no, Personal Delivery Assistant! (starts reading from the board again) This device allows you to purchase ammunition wherever and whenever you want it. Ratchet: Yeah, how can you tell it works? Qwark: You can always trust Gadgetron quality or my name's not… uh… Steve.
As he spoke his "name" out, his antennae drooped down. Soon afterwards, Ratchet paid for it.
Qwark: (starts beaming) Thank you and have a Qwarktastic day! Ratchet: What did you say? Qwark: (quietly and in a depressed tone) Nothing.
Ratchet left that area. Much later on, he found a shop, owned by the same blue person in the news report. He started speaking loudly as he spoke.
Owner: Hey, hey, welcome to my shop! What can I get you? Ratchet: (gestures a short figure with one of his hands) I'm looking for Drek! Owner: Sure! Yeah, we got lots of stuff on sale! After the bombing, no one's been around to buy anything! Ratchet: Are you okay? Owner: Low prices? You bet! I can make you a deal on a busted turborator, a mangled carboniser or… I got this infobot! Ratchet: Guess that bombing was pretty loud, huh? Owner: Oh ho! You are one shrewd negotiator! I tell ya what, I can let this infobot go for half price!
He paid for it.
Owner: Well, that is about it for me! Ratchet: Thanks! Owner: Quit your complaining, I gave you a great deal! Sheesh!
He left the scene, and the Infobot showed an advertisement on it.
Announcer: Afraid to go out at night? Afraid to go out during the day? Just plain afraid? Then you will need THIS - the Ultra-Mech unlimited! This mech is the ultimate in personal defense systems! Blarg Industries is now taking preorders! Get yours before it's too late!
The Infobot stopped playing. Ratchet took it by its neck and started smiling.
Ratchet: Now that is what I call serious fire power! Clank's gonna be jealous if he sees this!
He leaves the area and returns to his ship, where he and Clank left the area.
[Ultimate Surpreme Executive Drek's flagship, Oltanis Orbit]
Meanwhile, Drek is seen with a Blarg Scientist, looking down at a picture of Gorda City.
Blarg scientist: Well I guess Qwark didn't eliminate them. Drek: How observant of you. Blarg scientist: Thank you sir. Drek: Now if you were only so diligent in doing your OWN job! Blarg scientist: Yes, sir. Drek: Since our new planet is nearly finished, we need a plan to remove the world that is occupying our selected orbit! This time it must be absoltely foolproof!
There was silence, as the scientist tried to think.
Drek: Time is wasting!
This left more strain on the scientist as he took steps back to the entrance.
Robot Plant, Quartu I
Meanwhile, the heroes arrived at the plant. First, they found the Bolt Grabber in a cooling tower.
Ratchet: All right!
Then, they came across a scientist near a yellow platform.
Scientist: Hmmm… was it Pi over Infinity or… Ratchet: Hey! You need help fixing that thing? Scientist: Actually, I'm trying to destroy it. Clank: Why? Scientist: I was contracted to re-engineer my enlarging machine to create huge heavily-armed mechs. Ratchet: So THAT'S where those mechs came from! Scientist: Precisely! Had I known Drek was behind this I never would have done it. Clank: Is there anything we can do? Scientist: Well, if you volunteer to be enlarged, you may be able to stop those mechs long enough for me to sabotage this machine. Clank: And then you will change me back? Scientist: Ah, I've never tried that, but in theory, yes.
They stood on the platform, and Clank was enlarged by up to twenty times. This is the form that is referred to as "Giant Clank." The two went around the testing area, and got rid of all the mechs.
Scientist: Well done. Now just step into the machine and we'll see what happens.
Clank stood back on the platform and became small again.
Ratchet: Nice to have you back, I guess. Scientist: I recaliberated the controls to allow only your specific circuit pattern. Clank: Aaah, perfect. Scientist: I do not know how to thank you two. Maybe this will help!
He got out an infobot, and it started playing an advertisement.
Announer: New! New! New! From Gadgetron, the makers of weapons and other fine products comes the Hologuise!
(we see a cat-like scientist testing the device for himself)
Announcer: With the hologuise, you can fool robots into thinking you are one of them!
(screen shows a picture of a hologuise robot and a real robot playing Chess)
Announcer: Match your wits against other robots!
(screen shows several hologuise robots working together)
Announcer: Work on robotic assembly lines!
(screen shows some robots throwing a party)
Announcer: Attend robot parties!
(screen turns back to normal, and the hologuise robot changes back to the cat scientist)
Announcer: The Hologuise, available only at Gadgetron Headquarters for a limited time!
(in the background, one of the larger robots gets mad and squashes the cat with one of his feet)
Announcer: Not to be used for illegal purposes. Wear only in sanctioned areas. You will not actually become a robot.
The Infobot finshed its message, and went over to Clank.
Ratchet: If I can get that thing I'll be able to get past those robot guards! Clank: Robots are not so easily fooled. Ratchet: Aaah! What's that?
He points behind Clank, whom turns around at the sight.
There was a few moments of silence, before Clank turned round again.
Ratchet: Uh, huh.
The two leave for Kalebo III, the home of the Gadgetron HQ.
Gadgetron Site, Kalebo
[Ultimate Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek's flagship - Kalebo III orbit]
On deck, Drek was seen looking at a picture of the two in their spaceship.
Drek: This is starting to become annoying.
He turns around and faces three soldiers holding big guns.
Drek: I'm not sure why I bother with you incompetent idiots… alright, I'll try this one more time.
The three do a threatening pose.
Drek: You are my most elite troops. I'm sending you down to the planet's surface to destroy those troublemakers! Now go!
They start to leave, but he spoke again.
Drek: Oh, and if you have to destroy Gadgetron to get rid of them, so be it!
Down at the planet's surface, the two stormed through their attacks, reached the lobby and found the Gadgetron boss.
Ratchet: Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you were concerned about the… uh… invasion? Boss: Son, our defences are the best money can buy. Do not give it a second thought! You ever been on a hoverboard? Ratchet: Yeah, once or twice. Boss: I am in search of a hip young star to represent my newest line of boards. Someone the kids can look up to. Ratchet: Then I am your man!
In the background, a set of robots riding hoverboard zoom past the window.
Boss: If you can beat my test bots in a race, the job is yours!
The two race against them, and win with ease.
Boss: That was terrific! Now I just need you to say a few words about our hot new boards! Ratchet: (shocked) Huh? Now? Boss: Of course! Just look into that camera right over there and say what comes naturally. Rolling!
The camera zooms towards Ratchet as he begun his 'words'.
Ratchet: Uh… hi? This is Ratchet for… uh… Gadgetron hoverboards. And if you… um… Clank: (interrupts) Yo dudes. For the freshest boards in the galaxy, check out the new XZ88, from Gadgetron! It's so hot, it's cool! Boss: I think I got the wrong guy… that was… um… something… Ratchet: Hey, I was thinking… do I get a discount on gadgets now? Boss: Uh… you have to be with the company for two years before the employee discount kicks in. However, I can let you have this.
He tossed the Hologuise into Ratchet's hands. He started smiling at it, as he made his way through the lobby. Later…
Ratchet: Hey, we finally get to meet the help desk girl! I hope she's cute. Clank: What should that matter?
They enter the office, and find the help desk girl, whom was, in fact… a robot.
Ratchet: Ohhhh, maaaaaaaan… Clank: (looks at her, smiling) Uh… so, uh, come here often? Helpgirl: Actually, I work here, so I come here all the time. Clank: Oh yeah, hehe… Helpgirl: I've been following your progress. Here, shhh, take this. It's a map-o-matic. It will be very helpful.
Clank holds the map-o-matic in his hands and looks at it.
Clank: I'll see you later. Helpgirl: Bye sweetie.
She waved at them as they left. Back outside…
Clank: I think she likes me.
All that Ratchet could do was shrug. Then, they travelled back to Quartu.
Robot Plant, Quartu II
Over there, they tackled the factory with the Hologuise. Deep inside, they found a computer near a conveyor belt. (hint - the start of the game will be a help to identify it) Ratchet brought his fist back, and banged the computer with it.
Rathcet: That should do it!
The computer screen showed a series of words on it.
Clank: Mom? Ratchet: Oh brother.
'You have done well_'
Clank: I tried, mom.
'There is still more to do_'
Clank: I know.
Suddenly, an Infobot came on the conveyor belt.
Ratchet: Hey look, a sister!
The Infobot played a message, and it's another one with Drek in it.
Drek: My fellow Blarg, our synthetic world is now fully functional and ready for habitation. However, there is one small obstacle in our way - this pathetic lump of a planet.
(camera shows Veldin)
Drek: Due to some blunder of fate, it happens to occupy the Galaxy's most perfect orbit. But no more!
(camera shows a large laser)
Drek: Behold, the Deplanetizer, the most powerful laser ever created! Soon we will move the Deplanetizer into place, just above the planet's surface. I will of course be on hand to press the button that will blow this mudball to smithereens! No one wil even miss it! See you then!
The Infobot finished its message and went to Clank. However, Ratchet stood there, growling and clinching his fists in a rage.
Clank: Ratchet…? Are you… alright? Ratchet: He… is going… to PAY!!! Clank: Excuse me? Ratchet: It shouldn't have taken me this long to see it! Drek is going to find out what happens when you mess with MY home!
Silence happened, as Clank looked up, smiling.
Ratchet: What are you smiling at? Clank: This is the Ratchet I always knew was there. Ratchet: Okay, if we're gonna do this, we need to get onto Drek's ship. Then we can find out where he set up that laser! Clank: I will try to make you proud Mom…
The two leave the scene, then the computer screen displays some last words on it.
'You already have_'
The two leave for Drek's fleet.
Drek's Fleet, Veldin orbit
While exploring, they find a codebot.
Ratchet: All right!
Then, they made their way to Drek's main ship, destroying obstacles with a jet fighter on the way. They saw a dark chair, and the two approached it carefully, Ratchet with his wrench, and Clank with bare hands. The chair swung around… and showed an infobot. It displayed a TV advert.
Announcer: Tonight on Blarg TV, the adventure we've all been waiting for - the total annihilation of an entire planet! Witness the power, the destruction and the nothingness that follows! So join Ultimate Surpreme Executive Chairman Drek as he pushes the button that ends one world and begins another! Then, stay tuned for "The Galaxy's Funniest Superhero Bloopers", featuring Captain Qwark!
The Infobot reaches Clank and he puts it away.
Ratchet: Now we know where he is! Let's get him!
The two leave for a return to Veldin.
After much exploring - and turning into Giant Clank - they approached Drek, in a mech of his own.
Ratchet: Hey, what the…? Drek: Hehehehe, imbeciles! After all the trouble you have gone through you're about to die right where you started! (sniff) It's… (wipes his eyes) It's so poetic… Ratchet: This is it Clank! Let's get him!
Clank fought Drek and brought his health down by one point.
Drek: Hmmm… you may have been useful for me after all. Too bad you chose the wrong side!
He brought out a ray that shrunk Clank down to size. This left Ratchet pulling his weight down too much and the two falling to the battle ground. Then, they started fighting him with their weapons and took him down to four health points. They eventually reached a large platform, with the Deplanetizer underneath them.
Drek: So, it has come to this. Once I step on this ignition switch a countdown will commence, the end of which signals the destruction of your pitiful world. Clank: There must be another way to make a home for your people. Drek: You think that is what this is about? Who do you think polluted our last world? I did. This is about one thing and one thing only - cash, and lots of it! You see, I've been paid for every square inch of my new world. Once the inhabitants move in, I will begin polluting this world as well, then the whole thing starts all over again. Ah, brilliant. Clank: Why you… you… evil little…
Drek brought his mech over the button, and pressed it to commence a thirty- second countdown.
Ratchet: Save it Clank. We have to stop that timer.
He pointed at another button, and they pressed it down with the thruster pack. Then, they continued fighting him, with the occasional chases, button pressing and preventing on the way. Eventually, Drek's mech fell onto a platform, causing the Deplanetiser laser to be lifted up. He struggled to use the controls to bring the mech back up, but all of a sudden, he was thrusted up to the surface of the new planet.
He landed on the planet with a thud, and a small white trail of smoke is seen as he lands. The laser finished with its aim towards the new planet.
Clank: Ratchet? Ratchet: What's up?
Clank gestured at the button that attempted to cause the destruction of their world. They looked at that, then the laser, then at the button again.
Ratchet: You know, this time I AM thinking what you are thinking!
They reach the button, and they slammed onto the button. This caused the laser to charge up, and fire a beam at the planet, causing it to break into smithereens. Suddenly, boulders started falling down towards them.
Ratchet: This can't be good.
A boulder thrusted them to the side. We focus on Clank, whom is seen heading over the edge of the platform… but he grabs onto the edge. Ratchet followed, and grabbed onto his leg.
Ratchet: Whew, that was close!
They remained dangling around for a couple more seconds.
Ratchet: Uh, Clank… you can… heheh… pull us up now.
But he got the resposne that was not expected.
Clank: The servos in my arm appear to be… broken. Ratchet: Broken? As in… fall to our deaths broken? Clank: Uh… yes.
Clank releases his grip, and they are both sent tumbling towards the ground below.
Just when he was about to slam into the ground, Clank used his jets to shunt Ratchet to safety, and he landed and rebounded three times, giving off 'oofs' as he landed. Then, the two were seen sitting up, facing each other.
Ratchet: That was close! Thanks! Clank: My arm appears to be… badly damaged. Ratchet: Ah, you will be alright.
Ratchet stood up, left the scene and walked across the bridge to his home. This left Clank, alone, looking miserable. He stood up, and walked in the opposite direction. He looked up at the canyon near him, hopeless, with his injured arm dragging behind him. That was until…
Ratchet: Hey, Tin Can!
Clank turns back with a smile on his face, as Ratchet is seen running back across the bridge. They stood a couple of inches between them.
Rathcet: Where do you think you are going? We… uh… still need to fix that arm.
Clank's face lit up, as they both started walking over the bridge, together, side by side. An adventure was over, as the red skies started to go deeper into the night.
(Credits run at this point)
The scene is set in the shelter underneath the garage home, where we see both Ratchet and Clank sitting on brown armchairs. In front of them, we see an infobot displaying another TV commercial, this time featuring Captain Qwark.
Qwark: Do you have a problem with unwanted hair? Is painful itching in your never regions causing you undue embarrassment? Do you just plain stink? Then you need this, the Gadgetron Personal Hygienator!
He gestures at a pink device, holding a toothbrush, a drill, shower gel, a claw-like razor and a small towel on a rack.
Qwark: Hi, I'm Steve… (looks around) Mc… Qwark… and this little baby can take care of any grooming needs that are just too much trouble for you to handle yourself! (sniffs one of his armpits) Allow me to demonstrate.
He took hold of the device, and started using it. But physically, we do not see what he's doing with it.
Qwark: Ah! Ah, yeah, ooh, ouch! Ooh! Oh, mommy!
However, the pair of them started covering their eyes with disgust at the sight of the demo.
Ratchet: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Clank quickly grabbed the remote, and pressed a button to turn the infobot off… and the camera.